Hey Jude

“Don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better”

Hey Jude

Sorry I had too. I do enjoy listening to this song, but this is not the Jude I am calling out.

I want to do a shout out to the apostle Jude. The Patron Saint of impossible cases. Whose feast day is in October, but has been on my mind the past few days. I think it deals with the fact that I am reflecting on 2020 and thinking about 2021.

To start, 2020, although rough wasn’t that bad. Now, 2018- that year has been to this day, the hardest adult year in my life. To help you all understand just how hard that year was, I will be doing a quick run down. Pay attention, this is important. There will be a quiz later. (JK)

2018 started off with me feeling a bit sad. okay, a lot sad. We had spent two years having back to back miscarriages, so we started 2018 with taking down the crib. Little did we know God has a sense of humor because about a two months after we took down the crib, we found out we were expecting Sweet Pea. Her pregnancy was rough on me. I will get into that later, 9 days into 2018, I lost someone very important to me. Her death, although I knew it was coming, wasn’t easy. I talked to my husband and he agreed if we had a girl we would name her after this wonderful woman. Low and behold, again, soon after, we found out about Sweet Pea. (I really think deep down God had this planned.) So 2018 started rough, then looked good, minus a very rough beginning of pregnancy. With all of my pregnancies I end up with very rough morning sickness and Hyperemsis Gravidarum (HG). So need we say, I was super sick and in the ER getting fluids a lot. Then in May something happened that shook and changed me forever.

In May of 2018, I lost my brother unexpectedly. He took his own life. While I know more details now that I did then, I still want to know why. I want to know what he was thinking. There is a Facebook video on his page, but I haven’t watched it. I won’t watch it. I don’t think I can watch it. My brother has 3 children who I love, and want to share details about their dad with them, but things are messy. With the pandemic, I haven’t seen two of them (or my godson) since the shut down started. Hopefully when the shut down is lifted, I can see hi older two and my godson. As for my brother’s baby …that is where things get really messy. More on that later.

So 2018. Then summer came and we had plumbing issues. There was a leaky pipe that leaked for a while because we couldn’t find the source of the water. Reason being, there was a line of water in a wall where there was no plumbing except for that one pipe. Which we didn’t know about. (again, no plumbing there.) So not only did we have to replace the wall, we also had to replace the floor in both the kitchen and the dinning room. Not only that, but the water also leaked on the mother board of our AC unit, causing the AC to break and the furnace to run. So when it was 80+ degrees outside, our house was well over 90 degrees because the furnace kept kicking on. So all of that had to be replaced. That was fun.

After we got all of that replaced and moved back home, things were good for like a month. Surprisingly my HG started to let up. I bet God knew I needed this to be an easy pregnancy. So there I am, about 8 months pregnant when we flooded. Yes, my little town flooded. I don’t live in a flood zone, yet my house flooded. We had water in the house and you guessed it, had to replace a lot of items. And since we aren’t classified as a flood zone, we don’t have flood insurance. Since we lost the furnace to a flood, insurance didn’t cover it. So we moved back into my parents house for another two weeks. At that point I had a month left of pregnancy. There was no furnace (My parents ended up getting us one and that we are paying them back for.) So when Sweet Pea was born she came home to a house in a cold state with no furnace. It wasn’t until after Thanksgiving and snow that we got one.

Sweet Pea was the shinning light of 2018. 2020 for me has nothing on 2018. Now I bet you are wondering why I am talking about Saint Jude. Saint Jude is the Patron saint for impossible cases. I mentioned earlier that I haven’t seen my brother’s youngest. The last time I saw him was 2018. Why? I don’t know. Here’s what I do know, there is a lot of hurt. My family was hurt and is still hurting, and I am thinking my brother’s fiance was hurt and is still hurting. The saddest thing is that there is a little boy who is being hurt the most. He knows nothing about his daddy’s family (Or maybe he does but what he might know isn’t true, I don’t know.) What I know is this little boy, who is only 45 minutes from family that loves him, doesn’t know about his family.

Which leads me to Saint Jude. At this point I feel I need his intervention. I need his prayers. He is the patron saint of the impossible. He is the patron saint of that because of what he wrote in the New Testament, he faithful should preserve even in difficult/ desperate situations. I feel this is am impossible case. There are details that I will not share on the web, but know that like I mentioned there is a lot of hurt that needs to be healed. A lot of anger that needs to be calmed down. A lot of misjudgments made that need to be corrected. I also worry about that little boy. I have seen what happens to children when one parent keeps them away from the other parent/other parents family for no good reason. I have seen the hurt that causes in children up through adulthood. I don’t want my nephew to go through that. My brother didn’t want that for his son. (Yes, I spoke for my brother because I know what his last words were. I also know his last words are not being honored, and yes I know last words mean nothing in a court of law.)

Anyways, I will be starting the Saint Jude Novena today in hopes for some peace. If you are a praying person, maybe you can join in with my cause, or maybe you have your own impossible cause you want healing from. There are two links to the novena. Link 1 and Link 2. If you care to join in, please let me know. You can also list your intentions in the comments, or on the Facebook page for this blog. My intentions: The end to the pandemic so I can see my godson, niece, and nephew, and that the hurt has been healed so I can see my brother’s other child.

Until Later, Ciao!