May is a hard month for me. May is my birthday month and up until 2018, it was a month where I was happy and celebrated. Okay, actually, 2017- things changed a bit and I will get to that, but 2018, things really changed.
Right now I am putting a content and trigger warning on this post because it deals with death. A lot of loss and death. If that is hard for you, please skip the next few paragraphs. In fact, I will put those in a different color, so skip until it goes back to black.
May has a lot few days of celebrations in my family, my birthday, Mother’s day, my little sister’s birthdays, and memorial day. See, all days to celebrate. May is also the month in which the Catholic church honors Mother Mary. As someone who has always loved Mary, this month is well, supposed to be my month. Then December, to be more precised Christmas, of 2016 happened. I suffered my first miscarriage. Losing a baby over Christmas, when the world is rejoicing about a baby being born is hard.I had to distance myself from others expecting. Which meant, sadly, I had to distance my self a bit from my older brother. Don’t get me wrong, I was super excited for him to be a father again. Yet, I was also very jealous. It took me some time to get over that jealousy and things were better. What helped the most was naming our miscarried baby. We named him Elijah. When Mother’s day rolled around in 2017, it felt like there was someone missing. (I know there was someone missing) Summer of 2017 came and we were expecting again. I was so excited. But the very end of August, I lost the baby. I guess the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, but my body didn’t know until closer to 10 weeks. I lost that baby the weekend on of my other brothers got married. That was hard. That loss was very hard. I saved her little body and we buried her at the local cemetery here. We named her Avia. Life went one and then in 2018 I was pregnant again. This time I was a ball of nerves.
Everything seemed to be going.. okay. I was in and out of the hospital getting IV fluids because of HG, but the baby was growing. May 18th, 2018 my oldest brother died. He “took” his own life with a hand gun. I don’t know how I made it through the next few weeks. All I know is some how, my HG settled to being controlled with just two medicines instead of me needing fluids. So, that happened. and ever since then, May just hasn’t been the same. It is hard to be excited when I know I would have a almost 4 year old, and a 3 year old but I don’t. Although, if I had those babies, my Sweet Pea and Star Sweeper wouldn’t be here. It is hard to celebrate this month when there is such a loss in our family.
That being said, May is supposed to be a time for celebrating. So we try our best to celebrate. We celebrate my birthday (Which was last Sunday) and we celebrate Mother’s Day. We celebrate my sisters and celebrate Memorial Day. We also honor Mary and the other saints whose feast days are in May. Lots of people do a Mary crowning in May. We haven’t, but maybe we will. What I have done is set up my Mary Garden. next to my Mary statue outside, I planted a pink Rose bush and a Yellow climbing Rose bush. The Yellow one will climb all around Mary. I planted Morning Glories which will also climb around her. Then there are the lilies that have been planted by her and the white daisies. Hopefully when they all bloom it will look beautiful.
There are some other May Days to celebrate:
May 1st- St.Joseph the Workman and St .Peregrine
May 3rd- St. James the just and St. Philip
May 13th Our Lady of Fatima
May 22nd St. Rita
May 30th St. Joan of Arc
I am sure there are more, but those are who I know off the top of my head. So please let me know if I missed anyone. I am not sure who we will celebrate this month, but we will celebrate.